The Customer Service Bullsh*t Industrial Complex

If you landed on Earth and logged into LinkedIn, you’d walk away believing we are living in the golden age of customer service.You’d see polished “thought leaders” clapping for themselves.You’d see vendors bragging about magical metrics.You’d see executives high-fiving over improvements no customer has ever experienced.

Meanwhile, in the real world:

Customers are furious.Employees are miserable.Hold times are a crime.Self-service is a maze.And every company swears it’s “customer obsessed.”

You know the truth because you’ve lived it.You’ve screamed “agent” into a phone until your throat hurt.You’ve been ghosted by chatbots.You’ve submitted surveys that went straight to the void.

This isn’t an accident.This is the Customer Service Bullsh*t Industrial Complex — a system built to look like it cares while squeezing every last cent out of your patience.

Let’s pull the mask off.

1. The Lie of Social Media Shame

You were told companies fear your public anger.You were told tweeting at a brand is power.You were told they’ll fix your problem because “virality is dangerous.”

This was a lie.

United broke a guitar. Still flying.Comcast gets roasted daily. Still printing cash.Cable companies could trend every week for war crimes and nothing would change.

Your tweets don’t scare them.Your pain doesn’t threaten them.Their systems are designed to outlast your outrage.

2. The Lie of More Channels

You never asked for 17 ways to contact a company.You wanted one way that works.

But they sold businesses “omnichannel.”They told companies “be everywhere customers are” so they could sell… more “everywheres.”

What you got instead:

• More phone trees

• More chat queues

• More bots

• More dead ends

• More “Sorry, you’ve reached the wrong department”

They multiplied the doors and locked all of them.

3. The Lie That Customers Want to Pay for Service

They tell companies:“Raise prices. Customers will happily pay for premium service.”

Another lie.

Imagine Walmart adding white-glove service and charging luxury prices.You’d bolt.

Because service only makes sense in context.You don’t want a concierge at Dollar Tree.You want things to work and prices to stay sane.

But the gurus pushing this narrative?They profit from the confusion.They profit when companies believe fantasies.They profit while you wait on hold.

4. The Lie of AI Salvation

AI was pitched as the savior.Fewer agents.Faster answers.Lower costs.A “frictionless future.”

Instead you got:

• Bots that don’t understand you

• Systems that trap you

• Loops that insult your intelligence

• “Sorry, I didn’t get that” on repeat

AI didn’t save customer service.It industrialized your suffering.

5. The Lie of NPS, CES, and the Scorecard Cult

They keep telling companies:“You can measure your way to greatness.”

Another lie.

Surveys didn’t save you.Scores didn’t save you.Dashboards didn’t save you.

You answered a hundred versions of:“How easy was it to fix our mistake today?”

And nothing changed.

Metrics didn’t make service better.They made excuses more sophisticated.

The system is not broken.The system is working exactly as intended.

The Part They Don’t Want You to Know

The people selling these ideas — these frameworks, these technologies, these metrics — never have to talk to you.They never sit on hold.They never fight the IVR.They never get transferred eight times.They never suffer the consequences of their own bad advice.

They profit from the problem.You live inside it.

That’s the Bullsh*t Industrial Complex.

And Here’s Where I Stand

I’ve run service organiz

ations.I’ve carried the weight.I’ve seen the rot from the inside.I’ve seen how companies talk about you in rooms you’ll never be invited into.

That’s why I’m not selling you optimism.I’m giving you ammunition.

Because you’re not crazy.Customer service is designed to exhaust you.Your frustration is not personal — it’s systemic.And if you’re angry, you should be.

This isn’t a call for patience.This is a call for revolt.

If you’ve ever waited in a queue so long your phone got hot,If you’ve ever closed a chat window because you lost hope,If you’ve ever whispered “this shouldn’t be this hard,”then you already know the truth.

It’s time to fight back.

HOLD drops soon.And it’s not a book —it’s a weapon.